Helping Children Cope with Grief Around the Holidays

The holidays should be a delightful time for children with festive music, family gatherings, and, of course, the presents. Unfortunately, when a child is grieving, the holidays can be a challenging time for them just as they are for adults.

Children tend to grieve in sudden bursts. They’ll be happy for a while, then an event or a sight or sound will trigger the memory of the person they’ve lost. They may also demonstrate other signs of grief including withdrawing from others, irritability or anger, inability to focus, a change in how they behave or perform in school, irregular sleep habits, or depression.

It’s important that adults recognize these signs and take steps to help children cope with grief around the holidays.

Tips for Helping Children Cope with Grief

Talk to the child about how they are feeling. Help children cope with grief around the holidays by talking to them about how they are feeling. Listen and validate their feelings. It’s normal and natural to have big emotions when missing someone a child loved. Use clear language including the words “died” and “death.” Avoid using euphemisms like “went to sleep” as this can cause some young children to become afraid to go to bed themselves.

Acknowledge that the holidays will be different. Discuss in advance what will need to change during the holidays. If there is no energy to make the same traditional meal, discuss with your child how to plan an easier meal – whether that’s ordering takeout, having someone else cook, or just putting on a pot of spaghetti. It can be tempting to skip the holidays altogether, but children should be allowed to celebrate the holidays without feeling guilty.

Create a way to remember the person who has died. There are many ways you can memorialize a loved one during the holidays. You can set an empty place at dinner, light a candle, create ornaments using photos of the deceased person, or build a memory box. Incorporating your loved one into your holiday celebration provides opportunities to talk about the person you lost and share happy memories, which is an important part of the healing process for children. They often want to talk about the person they lost and are confused when the adults around them don’t mention them anymore.

Stick to a routine. Children benefit from a routine particularly when they are grieving. The change in the school schedule and holiday festivities will disrupt that route, but you can try to stick to a regular schedule for meals and bedtimes.

Give back. Doing something nice for others is a good way to make yourself feel better. Volunteering can be a good way to help children cope with grief around the holidays. Find a child-friendly way to give back like collecting food for a local food pantry or picking out gifts for families who may not be able to afford them this year.

Loss touches everyone differently. Keep the lines of communication open with children who are grieving and remind them often that they are safe and loved.

For information on the grief support programs Crossroads Hospice & Palliative Care provides, please call 1-888-564-3405. 

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